amish friendship muffins

Something’s Growing in My Kitchen

Something’s growing in my kitchen,

Something with satanic drive.

Something’s creeping, crawling, oozing,

I could swear that it’s alive.

In the night I hear it hissing,

Overfills the dish it’s housed in.

The recipe’s misleading

Seems so tame as now I read it –

-- Add two cups of flour and sugar –

Oh my God, I’ve got to feed it!

Stop, oh stop, beast, please have mercy

How my heavy breathing labours!

It’s getting out the door now,

And it’s heading for my neighbour’s.

Won’t someone please believe me?

Won’t you come and take a share?

Take this monkey off my shoulders

I’ve got three (*two cups) to spare.

Take it, take it, I beseech you,

Take away my dread, my pain.

What? You turn your backs toward me?

Then it’s going down the drain.

And at night you’ll hear it rumble,

For the sewers, it’s now stuffin’,

Through the underground it travels,

It’s the Amish Friendship Muffin!

If the world seems all unsettled

There be earthquakes everywhere

Pull away the rocks and rubble,

You will find some muffins there!

(poem given to me from a friend who clipped it from the newspaper years ago where it was unattributed)